The Morning Dance

The Morning Dance…you know the one I’m talking about. It’s no Rumba, definitely not a Waltz. It could, I suppose, resemble a Salsa due to the speed. I’m talking about the multi-tasking and speed that it takes for a mom to get everyone up and out the door on time for school. If we were to post a Bolton CCTV in the home of Beth, mother of Lincoln (2), William (4) and Kate (9), this is what her morning dance would look like.

6am Wake up to the sound of Lincoln’s feet running down the hall to her room.
6:01 Put him in bed with her so she can sleep longer.
6:15 6:30 6:32 Wake up to the poking of little feet in her back.
7:00 Lay awake browsing Facebook on her phone while he lays comfortably over her head sleeping soundly horizontally somehow forcing her to sleep on the last 6 inches of the king-size bed.
7:30 Get the rest of the crew up and ready for school.
7:35 Remind everyone to brush teeth, go potty and brush hair.
7:40 Make breakfast. Ok, put waffles in the toaster and spread some peanut butter on them for protein.
7:45 As Beth’s morning dance of packing lunches, braiding hair and filling water bottles continues in hyper speed she is stopped in her tracks…interrupted by a mysterious flushing sound.
7:46 She discovers that yes, once again Lincoln tried to flush the remote. Thankfully…it didn’t go down…like the toothbrush did. Causing a major flooding incident just a few days prior.
7:47 Close and lock the bathroom door to prevent Lincoln from entering and flushing more items.
7:48 Return to packing lunches, braiding hair and filling water bottles.
7:50 Unlock the bathroom door for William who needs to go potty. Again.
7:53 Sign Kate’s agenda and report card slips.
7:54 Write a check for the book order that is due.
7:56 Write a check for a fundraiser order that is due so Kate can earn fantastic junk…uh, prizes.
8:00 Realize Kate’s homework had a front AND a back. Rush her to finish it while she eats a waffle being careful not to drip the peanut butter on her shirt because it’s picture day…shoot!!
8:01 Write a check for school pictures.
8:10 Call everyone to action…Kate’s brown boots are missing. The gray ones are in the closet, they don’t match. The black don’t even come close. She must have brown. It’s critical. It’s picture day after all! Even though she wore them the night before. They’ve vanished. The search team must find and locate them! Too bad the search team is 2, 4 & 9 and the worse finders ever!
8:15 FINALLY Beth finds the boots. In the car. Of course. Why wouldn’t they be in the car?!
8:16 Another mysterious flushing sound. William forgot to shut the door. This time it was a (thankfully mini) Captain America. He didn’t survive. All that is left is his shield which Lincoln is holding with a death-grip as he has a super sensor that tells him when William wants something causing William to melt down.
8:18 Tell everyone to head to the car instructing them to bring waffles with them.
8:20 Coats. Where are the coats?!
8:21 Find the coats in the car.
8:22 Catch the cat who got out the door when they were finding coats.
8:23 Change Lincoln’s diaper.
8:25 She finally gets out the door and buckles William and Lincoln into their car seats.
8:25 Something smells.
8:26 Head back in the door to change Lincoln’s poopy diaper.
8:30 Sprint out the door and zip out of the driveway to avoid being late for school…again.
8:35 Realize the gas light is on…and the sensor says zero miles left.
8:40 Offer up a prayer that they’ll make it…they live in the country. There are no gas stations in the corn fields.
8:43 Make it to school in time. Barely.
8:44 Pull up for Kate to exit. Look right at the teacher on duty and say, ‘I love you’ as she is closing the door for Kate who is already far enough away it’s clear the ‘I love you’ wasn’t for her…
8:46 Post to Facebook about the embarrassing proclamation of affection to the teacher.
8:47 Drive to the next school to drop off William.
9:00 Head home to recoup just in time to do the dance all over again the next day.